Job Postings - Here Is What They Really Mean.


You need a job, we all need a job at some point in our lives. And me writing this article right now is me needing a job from you on my website, the reader and consumer who will hopefully buy something and I get paid by you. And since we all need jobs this is why companies are always posting jobs for new qualified applicants to come on board. But you have to ask yourself at some point, just what do bold phrases mean in the job postings? Because you are told to always read between the lines whenever you are interacting with another person, whenever you are doing business and even when you are dealing with God and try to figure out what He really wants from your heart. 

So this is why today I am  sharing with You how to translate what the companies really mean when they put their ads online and in the newspaper looking for qualified people like yourself. And I am telling you all this about Job Postings, so you can know exactly what you are walking into, and then you can call B.S. for what it is, but you can still make it work for you at the new employer's place of business. Beside, you already know that in life, everything is B.S. or one big illusion anyway, so this is why we all put up an act, we all go along with the majority, we all believe in a God, we all act like we're supposed to in our community, we all do what is expected at work and make it look good. Because you already know that you have to play the games if you want to make it in this big illusion known as the 3rd. Dimension and physical realm. 



And when it comes to reading Job Postings it is no different, because the prospective employer is trying to find the best and most qualified person for the least bit of money as possible, and you the applicant is trying to find the best employer that can pay you the most for the least bit of work. So it's a game of give and take, a game of I dare you, a game of tug and pull, a game of chess, a game of deception. So you have to be great at it, because I guarantee you that the employers are business owners with advanced college degrees and advanced B.S. slick degrees, and can talk most people into doing just about anything. 


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But at the same time you have employees like yourself who can talk your way into any job, and all the employer has to do is make a mistake and crack the door open for you to have a face to face interview, and they are done for. Because you too have skills of seduction, of playing victim, skills of acting out parts that need to be played for the employer at the time, and you are well versed in reading people and what they need, and then providing the words they want to hear. So today I am giving You the meaning of both sides, what Job Postings really mean, and what Resume Writings really mean. Your Job Posting Advocate, James Dazouloute


 Job postings at Apple


Translating Business Lingo. - credit: wilk4.com/humor/humorm69.htm

Here's some help in understanding those help wanted ads. Then, for help understanding creative resume-writing, see Translating Employee's Lingo below.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the hospital can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.





Translating Employee's Lingo . . .

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION"
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE"
I pilfer office supplies.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES"
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK"
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M PERSONABLE"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL"
I carry a Day-Timer.
"I AM ADAPTABLE"
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I AM ON THE GO"
I'm never at my desk.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED"
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.


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Tags: Job Postings, How to read Job Posting, What Employers are looking for, How to find Jobs, Jobs, Employers, Employees, How get the job you want, Job Resume 
 Job Postings - What They Really Mean..

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